By Trevor Goforth
“Sometimes you gotta go back to actually move forward. I know there are those who say you can’t go back. Yes, you can you just have to look in the right place.” – Matthew Mcconaughey
The above quote is from a car commercial starring Matthew Mcconaughey but it rang true in my life. Over the course of my life, I have had my share of setbacks; Haven’t we all. For me it has been the question of; how I have tried to deal with things in positive manner? Even if the change or situation may be painful.
For years though, I didn’t deal with things as such. For many years I was a hypocrite, never living the life that I thought others should live. I was holding others to standard that I could not even begin to live up too. There are many reasons for that but I for one do not like to make excuses for my shitty behavior.
Plain and simple for many years I was a self-righteous ass that only thought of myself. It wasn’t until my life exploded in my face and my marriage of 12 years and romantic relationship of 20 years ended that I started to realize what a self absorbed dick I had become. Yet coming out of the stubborn macho bullshit was not easy. I still puttered around and refused to deal with things. It took a nervous breakdown for me to realize that there was a problem and that I needed to change and that I had the power to change.
The problem with the truth is that not only will it set you free but I will hurt like hell. The truth for me is that for many years I was not dealing with anger issues; anxiety issues and the way I misused females and treated the women in my life like shit or just for sexual purposes.
Over the better part of the last 6 years I have dealt with the these issues through counselling and mindful awareness and meditation. Yet underneath all this there were my anxiety issues and again it has take another breakdown and trip to the hospital to wake me up to the need to get help.
I used to feel shame in admitting that there are mental health issues ( You know; men are told they have to be strong not weak.) and within my life that I may need medication and therapy to deal with these issues. Again I am not using mental health as an excuse for shit behavior but as a mood point that I needed help. Anything else for me that would be a cop out.
I had come to realization that if I did not get help that I was just going to keep sabotaging my relationships around me. And second that there is nothing weak about admitting that there is a problem.
For me I want to live by 5 things in my life.
5. Do everything in love.
- Communication: Learning to communicate properly in my life has always be a struggle; the key to this I believe is also being a good listener.
- Honesty: The truth will set you free but only if it’s genuine.
- Loyalty: To be loyal to someone doesn’t mean you put up with being treated like shit but always being honest and truthful and treating others the way you would want to be treated.
- Compromise: Always be empathetic and learn to come 50% of the way.
- Do Everything in love: for if not you are just making noise.
I hope I can live up to these 5 things in my life. I am realizing that I once was mean and nasty person masked in niceness and that was killing me. I also know that for many years I will face the public perception of who I was and not on who I am becoming. I know it may be hard work but I am willing to put the effort in and remember that sometimes you have to go back before you can you can move forward.