Lost My Knickers But Not My Temper

Have you ever worn a pair of ancient underpants just because they were one of the only clean pairs you had left, and you still needed to visit the laundromat? Okay, so I had on a pair of ancient bloomers today. The elastic was worn, and so I was losing them while I was outside trying to work on a car in a skirt. That the most awkward position I’ve ever been in in my life. I didn’t want to walk funny and look like I had a strange itch or something stuck in my behind. I didn’t want to grab hold of them and pull them up either because that would have been embarrassing, too. Let’s just say the walk back from the corner store was very difficult. 

So I finally went outside to change the spark plugs. I got the three front ones done. Unfortunately, the rear ones are a bugger for two reasons. One, you can’t see back there, and two, there is NO room back there to work with everything hooked up. I already tried moving the motor up a little bit. It just didn’t help today. I was standing there wondering “What the hell did I do differently when I removed those spark plugs just a few months ago?”

Well,  a couple things about the situation were different from last time. First, I had the car turned around the other way. That made a difference in the amount of room I had to work with. Secondly, I was excited about stripping the thing down and getting to the head gasket, lol. I have a lot of adrenaline when I’m excited about a project. Three, well, I don’t remember the third thing. It was just different. Today I was tired and just not feeling like getting all dirty and climbing on top of things. I have to work later today, and I need my energy. 

Ah, and it never fails. Some jerk always walks up to me and has to say something rude. Today it was a woman with a dog. This is their usual routine: First, they say something nice about the fact that I work on my car. That’s just to set me up for the insult that’s coming afterward, though, something to the effect of “You’re not an “official mechanic” but my husband/brother/son/lover/teacher/neighbor is one, and he can help you. What room are you in? Yeah, he can help you since you’re too incompetent to do it on your own, because, you know, you’re not a mechanic. He won’t charge you that much. What room are you in?”

What does my room have to do with any of this? I don’t want anyone knocking on my door for any reason, especially on the weekend, which is conveniently the only time this “mechanic” is available. Well, I don’t come out of the room on Shabbat, and I also can’t pay anybody for any services on Shabbat either. Unless it’s the latter part of the weekend we’re talking about, her mechanic can’t help me. 

I have never lived in a town with so many absent “official mechanics” in my life. They way these people talk to me is so condescending too, like how dare I be out there trying to do something to my car, and I should just sit down and wait for XYZ male “mechanic” because I  have no idea what I’m doing. When she said, “Spark plugs are nothing. He can get them in there in two seconds,” I wanted to punch her dead in the eye. YDo you want to hear some truth this morning? I was in the flesh for those five minutes. I wanted to knock her into next Sunday for making such an ignorant comment about a task that she knew I was having trouble doing today.

Yes, spark plugs are really easy to unscrew IF you can get to them! I would love to see her “mechanic” child come and put the rear plugs in my car in two seconds. I’ll give him $1,000 if he can do it in two seconds or two minutes.

There’s not a video you can find on YouTube right now of a certified mechanic changing the rear spark plugs on this model vehicle and motor in “two seconds” or even two minutes. It’s a common problem. Everyone who works on a 3.4 complains that there’s no room back there, and they have to push the motor way up. 

I did pull the motor up some, but you know, sometimes stuff just doesn’t work. I’ve had off days where I didn’t have the patience for something one day, and then the next day I had no trouble with it. I might go back and try again on Sunday, and it may work. For now, I can drive it if I really want to. 

I tell you. If I stay at this part-time job for a whole year, and I qualify for tuition assistance, I’m going to use it take a course that would qualify me as a “mechanic” just so I could tell people to suck my toe when they come around to insult me. I’m sick of that crap. Is it a piece of paper that’s going to make me real? I can get a piece of paper, but then they’d find some other reason for me to come around nitpicking. They’d make it about tenure or some other such thing. “Yeah, I see that you’re a mechanic, but my brother is a BIBBLY-BOO ZTS Certified Mechanic!” Dude…whatever. Just…leave…me…alone. It’s like I constantly have people trying to make me feel incompetent in everything that I do. I feel comfortable working on my car, and I feel comfortable when I do my contract work from home. I feel like sometimes people intentionally try to strip me of that little bit of confidence I have. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems to be the same scenario every time I’m outside working on my car. Every time. The last time, the culprit was a male who saw me drive the car back home and pull in. He complimented me for getting the car running again, but then pretty much called me an old over-the-hill hag. What in the entire hell is wrong with people? It’s like it physically hurts people to say something nice without following it up with an insult. Why bother? Just don’t say sh*& to me if that’s the case. 

Anyway, the car fired right up with the three new plugs in it. It ran for about a minute, and then it started acting wonky. I got that fluctuating idle issue until I had to unplug the MAF again. I then let it run for 10-15 minutes, and it finally leveled out. I could have taken a ride at that point but just didn’t feel like it. I may drive it to work, but then again, I may not. Who knows? I’m looking for perfection out of a car that wasn’t perfect before I stripped it down. Maybe I should just accept that this is as good as I’m going to get it at this time. Let her warm up each time and then run her wherever I need to go. 

Leave a Comment: