curious

I can’t help but wonder whether he ever loved me to begin with.  And if he did what happened to make him stray last Sunday.  He claims he hasn’t been with anyone since getting with me but last Sunday morning his mustache smelled like pussy and he didn’t give me a blow job.

Why is he still staying.  I have nothing to offer.  No money.  An 11 year old car with nothing of value in it except the cat.  I’m not worth anything…according to my mother I’m nothing but a piece of trash that belongs on the street.

2 thoughts on “curious”

  1. I have been reading your entries. I hope you start believing in yourself. You need to respect yourself first no matter what your mother,ex husband or Ian say. Yes,we all to be loved,but at some point it is better to be alone for awhile then to be in this type of situation. At least,you have a cat. Please,do not leave him behind. Ian is just a bad news(reread your own entries). You say you are on disability and you have a bipolar disorder so check with your doctor about meds etc. Ian is staying with you at this point,because nobody else will take him. Run,girl,run . I hope you will start treating yourself better. You deserve better. Like I told my tween daughter it all starts with respecting yourself and taking care of yourself so you can help others.

  2. I love reading your journals but I wish they were only made up. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this:( I’ve been through similar things like this as well. You’d be better off leaving him. You’d be set free, Plus you have your cat. Try finding a friend to stay with while you get back up on your feet. You deserve more than him

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