Wishing

For those of you following my journal….please take heed.  I’m writing about all the problems with one man so that you will be forewarned how manipulative people can be….men and women.  I’m 51 and have plenty of experience not to mention I worked in a county jail for 15 years.  All types of restraining orders have been suggested but there has to be the threat of imminent violence in order to get any kind.  You’d think I’d learned  before now to be more careful.  We met on Adult Friend Finder which is a site for people looking for sex.  I was on it 8 years ago and never had anyone looking for anything other than a one or two night stand.  I reopened my account  back in January.  Ian pestered me for 2 days to meet him and that he wasn’t looking for a one or two night stand.  He was right he was looking to move in with somebody and use them.  At first the sex was great.  It fell off for a bit but picked up until last week.  He’s been detoxing off beer, a 24 pack a day.  All of a sudden he’s always too tired to even initiate sex at all.  At first he didn’t have a problem with me initiating sex until we moved here and now he has a problem with it and turns me down all the time so I quit trying to initiate it.  He was initiating it once or twice a day which I didn’t have a problem with.  Now it’s nothing and I’m hurting and lonely.  Occasionally he  sits in the buff.  I’ll see him with an erection but then he looks at me and loses it.  Him drying out has definitely ruined the relationship.  It’s over.  He finally told me last night he was no longer comfortable around me.  I tried to break up with him 4 times yesterday and all he does is get mad and claim I’m over reacting.  I can’t make him understand I no longer want to be with him or in this relationship.  I’d go back on AFF but I couldn’t in good conscious cheat on him even if I believe he is cheating on me.  I just wish he would let me go so I can move on with my life.  I have decided that I will no longer seek the company of men for sex or anything else.  I have such a horrible track record with men.  My ex husband cheated and was an alcoholic, a man I tried to date after that was alcoholic and cheating,  and now Ian.  He’s an alcoholic and I believe him to be cheating too.  All the signs are there.  He doesn’t want me to see him naked and he doesn’t want to see me naked.  He’s  cut off all sexual contact claiming he is too tired and is distant.   And he’s turned out to be a lazy bum like the last two.

He finds every excuse in the book to not have sex with me like I look sad and keep staring out into space or I keep giving him hostile looks…gee I wonder why.

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