I Miss You

Dear J,

I don’t know if you’ve already heard but the twins pray to you every night. So does pretty much everyone in our family too. Anyways I feel physically sick with you being gone. My torso feels like it’s about to crumble at any moment and my entire body just feels weak, like I’m constantly running a marathon, and I feel like I might pass out at any second. I just don’t even know what to say, I just want to talk. I used to be terrified of death, but know I can’t wait to see you again. And honestly now, I don’t want a dream anymore because I know its just my subconscious. That makes me feel worse honestly. I just want to talk to you. Really just YOU. I miss you in every possible way. I miss your snark and your sass. I miss you always acting like you didn’t care when you asked me to go to your games. And how you would say, ” Lily really wants you to go with her to the game, ” when in reality you wanted me to go. Or maybe Lily actually wanted me to go and you didn’t care. I miss waking you up in the morning and telling you I loved you EVERY night I could. I miss the way you would hug me, where I would wrap my hands around your waist and you’d put your arms on my shoulders. I miss your laugh and half smirk you would make whenever you told me I was a nerd or weird. I miss how you were devoted to anything you did, whether it was finding an ice cream place or winning a game. I miss how tall you were and your big ass feet. I miss how you would puff out your cheeks in basketball right before you passed a ball. I just miss you J. I miss you SO much and I know you’re probably sick of hearing it, and I’m sick of saying it, but I miss you. I wish you were here with every ounce of my being, even if you were only here for 1 hour. I just want to hug you again and count how many times you puffed out your cheeks at a game. I want you to be here. I love you. I love you with every piece of my heart and soul. Night J, sweet dreams and in case you didn’t know, I love you and miss you. 

Love your sis who seriously misses you, Ash

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