I think I hate this city.

Next month will mark my first year in this new southern city, I now live in. Unfortunatly I still can’t bring myself to call it home.

When I first started y job down here I realized how drastic the difference was between my coworkers and I. I am a first generation American my parents are highly educated and that was what was demanded of me. I hear how willfully ignorant they were about the world around them was shocking to say the least. I have never been described as unsocial or unhappy, but my coworkers resist any and everything that is beyond what the know or deem to be American. I have only been able to connect to a two people really on the job. However, the one I would truly call my friend has been back at school since August. She is quite literally the only friend I have here. I am ostracized by my coworkers which doesn’t really bother me until it comes down to the work, we are supposed to work together but that is NEVER the case. One in particular gives herself half days, days off, leaves early every Friday except for the one Friday a month when she has to close. NEVER wants to be a team player but expects everyone else to do for her. Leaves her desk for extended periods of time. The hypocrisy of that office drives me nuts and they all gossip like a bunch of high schoolers. the younger ones always trying to stab the older ones in the back. I hate gossip so although I over hear everything it’s not my business I am not going to run behind someone else and whisper in their ear. One girl is leaving in June and she behaves like she is the shit. The only person she will bend over backwards for is her friend who she brought to the job everyone else can go to hell. Her parents pay for everything and the only thing she has to go home and do is get drunk, hang out with her boyfriend and go to the gym. Unlike her manager who is a grown woman with 2 kids and a husband. Who always pitches in to help for everyone. She tries to corner our new hirer into saying that the manager isn’t doing their job (she is doing her job). Meanwhile she is off every ten seconds talking to the girl who shares job responsibilities with me. The two of them sit on the job and giggle and laugh about their drunken nights our and forays into other drugs. On the topic of cocaine, she actually said to the other girl “I don’t do drugs like that with people I don’t really know” WTF!!! My brain could not comprehend how that sentence came out of her mouth with a straight face. I have given up trying to understand the people I work with.

I am not completely alone in this city I have family here, but I sure some people with large families can understand that it can make you feel as lonely as ever. I love my family, my cousins and their kids. My aunt…. She is a piece of work. In a good way and a bad way. She is a strong woman who has made a good life for herself and she poured everything she had into her son. (she has a daughter, but I may or may not get to that later.) When I moved here I came to stay at her house (I pay rent) She has never picked up after herself EVER! I had an interesting experience these last 2 week. In an effort to meet more people my roommate (a native of this city and like and adopted child of my aunt) decide we would try and have a brunch in Easter Sunday. Neither of us make a lot of $$ so we knew we didn’t want it to be more that 8 people. Because of the holiday that Saturday the official head count stood at 4 people including us the other 2 were my aunts daughter and my roommate’s boyfriend. The other people I invited either had to go to work or didn’t have transportation. When we told my aunt, she freaked out. Her exact words to my roommate were not here find another venue. My roommate being more connected that me did find somewhere else which worked out even better for us. The fact we pulled it off in spite of her opposition made her angry. She always boasts that when we are at work or not around to do something for her that “I have a ton of connections. You think I am only dependent on y’ll?! Not at all” No one should suggest anything because it’s her life and money. Instead of yelling at my roommate who had 3 friends rsvp after we changed the location. She picked up the phone to yell at me about how it was disrespectful for us to have gone somewhere else to have the brunch and dictated to me how we were wrong no to invite family as if I have people over all the time. (this would have been the first) and the only person coming that I invited was her own daughter who is welcomed to that house at any time and sleeps over when she has to for work. The family I should have invited were visiting from Jamaica (I found out they were coming when they were already here that Friday.) No one not my cousin his wife or her called and said “hey the family is coming from Jamaica” I found out through her daughter who we will refer to as X from now on. In total our brunch had 7 people including us.  My roommate and I are in our mid 20’s we are not teenagers why on earth does she feel she can tell us who to invite and that since we work we could afford to have had everyone over which would have been a minimum of an additional 10 people to the original seven. Family or no Who the hell does she think she is? At the end of the week I confronted her about what she said and about the chaos she left when she cooked in the kitchen (taking all the food to her son’s house). She slept at her house that whole weekend as the Jamaican relatives filled her sons house. Monday morning at 6:30 am I left for work my roommate left at 9am when I came home at 10:30 she was in her bed and the kitchen was just as she left it. When the Jamaican relatives left she moved herself back into her sons place on Tuesday and LEFT THE DAMN KITCHEN WITH THE FOOD AND POTS AND FLOUR ALL OVER THE FLOORS AND COUNTERS!  I asked her in the summer if she is going to do that and no one is home, can she make sure the pots have soapy water in them because she has ants. (refuses to call an exterminator). She freaked out and said that we (roommate now as L) should be happy to clean up after her. In addition to having to drop everything we are doing to run errands for her all over the damn city with no concern of how we are putting gas in our cars. 

I tried to talk to her son and he said it’s a waste of time trying to talk to his mom. Not because she won’t change no because L and I take advantage of her. My mom warned me about her older sister before I moved here. She said I only knew her as my aunt and from an outside perspective. My mom told me not to ask my aunt for anything and I haven’t. Not for ANYTHING, NADA, ZILCH. I pay her rent, I use I have purchased right down to the pots and pans. Her stove and microwave were broken and when my mom decided to replace hers with stainless steel units to match the rest of her kitchen I told my mom she should give them to her sister. They both worked perfectly, it’s just they were white and when the fridge, dishwasher, and toaster broke she put in stainless steel units, so the white microwave and stove had to go. My Aunt paid a friend $20 to transport it down here L&I picked it up from him and it was installed in her kitchen. Yet it is I who am taking advantage of her. I would love to know if I have lost my mind in thinking this is F***ed up or is she right. I work full time and go to school online for a master’s part time. I do not have time for this shit!

This city is breaking me I hate it for its culture, its people (not all), and the fact that despite having people around me there is no one I can confide in everyone here gossips. I can’t vent about anything. Which is what has brought me here, since I cannot talk to anyone maybe this will help because it is eating me alive. I miss my real home the busyness, not having to drive 30 minutes or more for what you want (having to drive everywhere all the time) jeez I even miss the cold and a very moody younger brother. 

One thought on “I think I hate this city.”

  1. I hope things get better for you. It’s hard to have to depend on anyone else, and it’s hard to feel so out of place. Life is changing all of the time , I hope that when the winds of change come your way they move you forward in a direction that’s right for you. Keep venting, it helps a bit.

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