away

I keep trying to French kiss him but he keeps  pushing me away.  I even spent part of the morning naked (that normally causes him to come to me) and he’s ignoring me.  I can take a hint that he’s not interested in me sexually any more.  I’ve been wanting to go outside and be alone but I’m afraid to go that he’ll pick another fight.  I’m hurting so much and need someone to talk to….to chat with but there’s no one.  I don’t know what to do…god the pain.  I just want it to end.  I just want him to go away to go lick my wounds…… why can’t he just go away and live with the rich, pregnant bitch and leave me alone?

I don’t want to spend the next few years or a lifetime sharing a room with a man who says he wants to be in a relationship with me and where I sleep alone every night and be celibate when I want someone to make love to me.   Someone to look at me with loving eyes not revulsion and like I make them want to puke.   I guess that’s just too much to ask for someone like me that’s so ugly and repulsive.   I’ve lost 20 lbs in the past 2 months and that’s just not good enough. 

I’ve don’t so much for him and stood by him through a lot during the last 2 months… provided food and shelter for him and this is the thanks I get.

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