4/16/18

A 20 year coma sounds like the most appealing solution at the moment. Why? My parents have found out I’ve been hiding things on my phone. They’ve taken it away and i don’t know for how long. But im worried because my current love interest Mike from Houston is coming next week and im not sure if I’ll be able to see him. I really like him and I’m 75% sure he does too. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be coming all the way from Houston to see me. Im also currently stressed because grades lock this Friday and im failing 3 classes. And because I came out as bisexual to my mom yesterday. Her reaction was as expected. She cried, she told me she loved me, and I knew it was going to give her time to process. Except, I knew she wasn’t going to make it obvious. As expected. This morning she avoided contact and any real talk with me. And after school she was in a bad mood and acts as if the only thing that happened yesterday was my phone being ripped away from me. I even had packages coming in today. I had bought adidas pants and shoes with dads money. This old wrench has the audacity to take that away too. Im outraged with her mere thinking that she can take away anything in my possession even if she didn’t purchase it herself. This is the exact reason why for months I have contemplated moving with my dad. Theres only 3 things holding me back Mike (who might move here next school year), my small circle of friends, and the judgement of my stepfather and mother. If I decide now that I want to move they’ll assume im being rotten and that im only leaving because I dont have my phone or the rest of my things. Which, im not going to lie, is somewhat true. But not totally. I’ve been wanting to leave for months. Im only occasionally happy here. I expected to come here for a fresh start. A happier mother, a better social life, a better education, a better me. Although im more responsible than I was last year, I still get beaten down by my mother. Nothing is ever enough, and now that we’re here did she only start caring about my grades, more like acting like it. And its all my stepdads fault. At first the man rubbed off on me. With time i started finding all the things i didnt like about him. My parents have the values like anyone else born in the 60s. They have nothing against homosexuals but don’t support them, they think a women who feels entitled to show off anything she wants automatically makes her immoral, 

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