On and on

Good morning,

Life goes on in a very positive way.  It feels sometimes like my crash was years ago.  In fact, it often feels like it never really happened.  But that’s not because I’m denying it, it’s because I’m not the same man I was then.  I continue to try to climb toward the goal of enlightenment, and I truly have changed and grown.  

Linda and I get along very well now.  One of the memories to which I do cling is of her anger.  She once told me “you were always an awful husband”.  She truly did not mean that, she was just plain pissed off.  I wasn’t being a bad husband, I was being a good addict.  But my addiction was short lived.  It was born out of trying to escape my real life, it was a partial reaction to the onset of the inability for us to have coitus, it was me choosing poorly to have a secret.  I led a double life, even though it wasn’t long.  And now it’s gone.  My therapist as well as the fellows in my group SAA meetings would correct me and say that there is no cure.  Ok; I’ll try to accept that but it’s gone.

I pray each day, read recovery inspirational texts, listen to podcasts about recovery, see my therapist, reach out to other addicts and try to be of service in ways I never thought I would.  So yeah, on and on.  

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