I burst out crying last night while I was taking a hot bath….Ian was in the bathroom.  I tried backing out of going to Phoenix.  I offered to pay for a week or 10 days and $100 for gas for him to get there, that I was going back to Dallas alone….that I’d have to live on the street but I knew all the places to hide to sleep in the car or pitch a tent to sleep at night.  That would afford me some money for food.  It isn’t the ideal thing but I don’t know what else to do.  He insisted that wherever I go or whatever I do he wanted to do it with me.  I tried to tell him that screwing up my own life was one thing but I refuse to screw up anybody else’s.   He wouldn’t hear any of it and insisted he wanted to do this with me….be with me through all this.  He even got up and made the bed.  He says he’s sleeping more at night but sometimes it takes him awhile to get there.  He’s so handsome and I love him so much and I  think he so sexy but I’m just not sure I want to trust him.  He could be leading me to Phoenix to ditch me there and go live with Michelle (he claims she’s his married sister but I can’t help but wonder if she’s an ex girlfriend he’s using me to go hook up with).  He said yes things had been rough and will be for a while but we’d get through it.  He says Michelle could get him some part time work which is better than nothing until he can get something full time.

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