Just another breakup diary. Day 15

So someone recommended writing as a healing strategy after your heart gets broken. Let’s give it a shot. 

It has now been 2 weeks since S told me that he has been having feelings for someone else for 4 months now. 2 long weeks and I feel exactly the same way as the first second after that long Skype call. Or let’s face it, I probably feel worse right now. 

Worse as things did not go as planned. S did not come back crying. S is enjoying his life as a single man. S does not need me. S no longer loves me. S has a crush/is in love with this random girl he met in Leiden. And I am here, feeling lonely, trying really hard to make sense of this nonsense, trying to find a suitable explanation which may make me feel better. 

Today I met with his mum who, believe it or not, cares about me more than he does at this point. She bought me a necklace and a tiny motivational book: all your dreams will come true, believe in yourself. She cried and got emotional, opened up and told me not to worry. Her heart was broken too before she met her now husband- suggesting that I should now be focusing on myself and leave men aside. Wise words. 

I am so moody. I am constantly going through ups- where I feel like I am some sort of superwoman who will become successful and needs no man- and lows- where I am convinced S was the man of my life and now everything is gone. 

I am also a VERY impatient person- I cannot stand the idea of suffering and feeling shit any longer. I want to be happy with all my body and soul but I am so scared it may never happen. It is just so unfair that all of this is happening to ME, NOW. 

After I just started feeling better following my dad’s death two years ago. After I worked so hard and stressed out so much during my last year at uni. SO incredibly unfair. 

Opening up, becoming vulnerable, loving someone the way you have never loved anyone before. And then being DUMPED. over the phone. No real explanation. No real closure. Just some very cold texts suggesting that you are no longer important in someone else’s life. SO unfair.  

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