We had sex again last night.  That’s 3 days in a row.  When I approached him he said he was fixing to get something else to eat….took him 30 minutes to fix and eat.  He got angry later when I told him he was no longer interested.  I can’t make him understand when he doesn’t seek me out for sex and makes excuses for turning me away it makes me feel so unattractive, unwanted and used.  He gets indignant and tells me he wants to make love to me and then won’t do it.  When we first met all I had to do was kiss him or touch him and he was ready to go.  I’ve tried to break up with him and he won’t hear of it.  He keeps saying he wants to be with me.  It makes me so mad because I feel like he’s just using me.  He has someplace to go, he has family that wants him.  He will when we get to Phoenix.  I’m still very seriously thinking of sending him on to Phoenix and slipping away and heading for Dallas again.  Unlike him I don’t have anyplace to go.  I keep telling him at least he has family, his mother is in Flagstaff and his sister is in Phoenix that wants him.  My family threw me away… feels so horrible to be unwanted by anyone.  That’s why I was looking for a man to have around as a companion, someone to want me.  And I can’t even do that right.  Makes me wonder why I was put on this earth.  I feel useless because I’m disabled and can’t work.  I can’t be or do anything productive with myself.  I can’t even make a man happy.

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