What i would tell you if i had you infront of me

….that’s an easy one. I would tell you that i actually do hate you now. I hold a strong dislike and love for you. I don’t even know if i actually love you, or if i ever did. Maybe i was just lonely and even though you never treated me right, i stayed with you. I held the pain every time you left, and would come back once you decided it was time to come back. Why did i let you come back so many times? Was i stupid? Was i insane, or was i in love? Was i in love? Is being in love called having to go through all the pain in the world because you were so indecisive?? I loved you. I loved you with all that i had, and that left me heartless. Gosh, i loved you so much. I held in all the pain just for you. I took all the pain and blamed myself. I never once blamed you. You don’t blame the ones you love. But you? All you did was blame me. All i could do was smile and act like nothing was wrong, when internally i wanted to cry and curl into a ball. Why did you do this to me? Was it fun? Was it fun playing with all i had. I gave you all i had, and you threw it away. I used to say sorry so much, i would humiliate myself to make you feel better. I lost myself before i even knew myself, and you lost me even before you had me. 

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