Today is about to be the best day of my life. Or at least I hope so. Greg is coming to my house at 5. This is our first date. I have a lot of hope for this relationship. I think it could really work. He is the kindest, most genuine man I have ever met. He makes me smile all the time. I am nervous. I need this night to go well. I haven’t eaten all day. That is a huge deal for me- I am always hungry. I haven’t felt this hopeful since, well, maybe, ever. Brent and I just fell into a relationship with no effort- Craig was hard work always. This seems easy. I hope it’s that way when we actually see each other in real life. so far we haven’t even spoken. It’s a strange world we’re living in. A world where you can fall in love with someone without ever seeing them or speaking to them. I fell in love with Scott that way. He hurt me. I will never ever understand Brent’s choices, but I personally, am better off not with him. He would have never been good to me, but I was trying to do what was best for my son. Clearly he doesn’t give a fuck. I don’t think the son does, either. That’s all fine. I will make my own life.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."