[251.1] ~*Sun – 04/22/18*~

[9:41 pm]

Two years ago my father peacefully passed away. I never imagined that his passing would be so peaceful or that I would be by his side. My father had been so sick for so long that I always thought he would die when no one was around. I was always scared that my mom would get home and would find him dead. He gave a good fight and made it to the hospital for his passing which was quick. I never thought I’d have the chance to be by his side as I rarely saw him so to be able to make it in time to see him take his last breath was sort of a miracle. 

That man was such a fighter. He survived so much and I honestly don’t know how he made it to where he did. Lots of time I feel depressed and want to give up on life. That’s when I think about my dad and feel ashamed of myself for even thinking about such a thing. When my dad got cancer, I didn’t think he would fight as he had already gone trough so much. I thought it was the end for him, his chance to escape the life he had. He surely didn’t give up. He fought, fought till the end.

As an adult, I never had a close relationship with my dad. I talked to him once in a while but it was always sort of awkward, never knew what to say. I miss him! Of course we always wish we had done more, been there more, when it’s too late. They always tell you that time is precious and even if we know, we take the time we have with our loved ones for granted.

When my dad passed, one thing my big bro said was that he always thought he would go before him. He didn’t but he surely didn’t wait too long to go find him. My dad and big bro didn’t really have a relationship either. I just hope from the bottom of my heart that they are now together and having a good relationship. One thing I know for sure, my dad showed my big bro how to be a fighter cause just like my dad, he was so very sick and never gave up. I know there were time where he wanted too but he kept going till the very end.

I will never be half of what they were. I wish I could tell them how proud I am of what they made of their lives. 

I’m trying not to make this about my big bro as it is my dad’s day but it’s hard not to think about them both as they were so alike. Cranky stubborn men. Hehe!

Love you, miss you and think of you every day Dad.




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