even a burnt bulb still tries to spark

I berry my feelings in things that don’t matter. Like organizing my room. Ever since I could remember I was always alone in my room…. changing it. CONSTANTLY. Rearranging and reorganizing my crap. All of these things I’m rearranging… and “organizing” is useless. It doesn’t do anything for me. Yes it’s nice to be clean and organized.. but these things mean nothing if you have no one. and you replace your feelings with crap. junk. clutter. or in my case organizing and rearranging. [ Mind you I do live in a super tiny room so I am figuring out how to make a decent room out of my shoe box] HoWeveRR Even my clothes situation…I want to dress cute…and do my hair and makeup and look like a babe…but whats the point if you have no where to go besides tinder dates? and even then you kick people out of your life regularly because no guy from tinder wants to just be friends… and I don’t do hand outs. I just want to make friends. I want to be wanted. I want to be happy. I want to find myself. I want to smile. I don’t want to give up. I just want to live. and not think about everything i do now. When will i be accepted by someone when will i find where i belong. when..will i catch a spark and light the world on fire with everything i have thats great to offer. who’s my gasoline. wheres my light. where am i?

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