The semester is almost over, just a month left. Classes are brutal, but I’m hanging on. I can’t wait for summer vacation.
Ayato and I have talked. The week after I returned home from Colorado, he came to my house to talk about …. a lot of things. He told me he loves me and he wants me, but he hates how he feels that I don’t love him and am just using him to get over my ex. I told him that I didn’t expect to develop feelings for him, because at the beginning he and I just happened, and then it was more of a convenience thing. He told me how badly he wants to be with me, and only me. We talked and talked about heavy issues. I told him honestly that I care about him, and I want to be with him, and I was sorry that we had a sordid beginning, but that we can be together and we can have our real relationship now that we finally got our shit together.
But we’re starting slow, and letting it all happen naturally. We’re not even sleeping together. I want us to be good from the beginning. And I care so much about him.
I’m so happy that we’re starting fresh, but I have many regrets. Mainly that I ignored him when he confessed his feelings to me, used him to forget about my ex, and would then discard his feelings for me shamelessly. I don’t know how he could still love me, I wasn’t my best when I met him. But thats why its all in the past, and I want to be so good to him and make him happy, he deserves to be happy.
Other than that update my life has been pretty boring and I’ve never been happier. Usually my life is ‘exciting’ its because stupid drama is happening and I’m either the cause or in the middle of it. So staying out of trouble is such a great feeling.
Some stuff I’m looking forward to is summer break. Ayato and I are going to spend it in Japan. But I’m visiting my parents in Colorado before that. Ayato and I are not drinking anymore, I personally don’t even go out of my way to drink unless its a casual drink. Ayato gets very drunk and I want to help him so i’m giving up drinking as well. I feel so happy because we’re starting off right now, and I’m excited.
Anyway, thats all I got for updates.