I had planned to go to Phoenix with Ian next month.  I put off making a reservation for a place that was marginally affordable that has now doubled in price to stay at another Siegal Suites there that was cheaper.  They won’t make a reservation for me because I’m already staying in one in Albuquerque.  That’s the latest excuse for refusing the reservation.  Now Ian has picked a fight and now sex today is out of the question.  He doesn’t understand that the reason I think he’s lost interest and is just using me to get to Phoenix.  I keep offering to give him money for gas to get there but he keeps refusing.  He’s got a woman there he’s calling a sister (which I’m starting to doubt is really his sister) that he can stay with until he can get up on his feet.  I have nobody anywhere.  I’m shit out of luck if I can’t afford someplace to stay.  I guess I’m off to Dallas to live on the streets alone.  That’s all I’m destined for is to be alone on the streets like all the other riff raff and trash stays.  I wish I deserved better…a man that truly loves me and thinks I’m beautiful.  But alas that’s out of reach unless I look like a super model.

And now someone is calling him and he’s not answering the phone claiming it’s an Arizona number.   He got quiet and looked like he was texting.  It was probably the rich, pregnant bitch calling him.  I bet she shows up in Phoenix and I get thrown over for her.  We’re going to have to make the reservation in his name at the motel in Phoenix.  That leaves me paying for it and it goes in his name and I’ll bet a thousand to one odds that he throws me out for her.

Now he’s not willing to even discuss moving with me.  I can’t make him understand that I’m pure evil and bad luck, no matter what I do.  I will never be anything else but evil bad luck.  That will never change.  Disaster follows me everywhere I go.  The only man around that wants me is a crazed stalker.  I can’t make Ian understand he’s better off without me.  He’s better off with the rich, pregnant bitch.  I’m sure she will be more than happy to take him back.  He deserves better than me.  All that will happen with me is his life will go all to hell.  He’s already blamed me once for his drinking. I’m not even pretty…I’m an ugly troll that nobody wants.  Not even my own mother.

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