2 days

This is 2 days in a row I’ve tried to instigate sex and he is now refusing it when I instigate it.  A week ago is the last time I instigated it and had to wait several hours before he came to me.  I wish I could tell him he’s going to Phoenix alone.  Why be with a man as a companion when he has cut you off sexually.  Sex is the reason we met in the first place.  He really doesn’t have time to meet anyone so all I can assume is that he’s having an online affair with someone that he has promised to stay chaste for until they meet in person.  He keeps using stress as an excuse now.  Before he was always too tired or too sick at his stomach.  It’s been one excuse or another for a long time.  That being the case I can also be sure that he doesn’t love me any more and is just muttering the words to appease me when I instigate the uttering of the words.  He’s said it twice in the last month without my prompting.   I just can’t deal with it any more.  I wanted to make things work and go to Phoenix with him but the more he refuses sex with me the more I believe that this Michelle person that he’s claiming is his sister is a love interest rather than a sibling.  He told me this morning that she would let us stay there a day or two if need be but now I believe that she will take Ian and Murray in and turn me away and that will be the last I ever see of either one of them.  I should have never gotten involved with him.  I wish so much I could go back in time and stop the meeting.

Now he’s sitting over on the bed acting like he’s crying just like last night when he was sitting across the table from me.  I wish he would just put his clothes on and quit parading around in front of me naked.  I used to love it but I don’t like having something waved in my face that I can’t have.

Still I can’t in good conscious have sex with another man while we’re together.  I’d feel too guilty.  I guess he needs me or rather my money to get to Phoenix to meet with this woman.  He’s told me he’s had girlfriends in the past in the Phoenix area.  He’s probably rekindled an old flame there.  So much for the rich pregnant bitch.

To make matters worse he disappears into the bathroom for 30 to 45 minutes several times a day with his phone.  Could be watching porn or even doing online sex.  I’m not even allowed to go to the sink while he’s in there and there is a door between us.  He makes certain noises when he has an orgasm and I guess he doesn’t want to chance me hearing that.

I’ve told him a dozen times over the last 2 months that if he couldn’t find his sex drive I’d find someone who had one despite being tired, tummy hurting, stressed out that could still could and would preform.  I guess he didn’t listen or pay attention.

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