I saw Lisa today. I told her about Greg. I told her about my anxiety I started feeling when I was thinking about the fact that I really, really like him and that is potential for a huge disaster. I was so completely broken down over Craig- and I know that’s so dumb because he’s nothing. But I was devastated. I was SO depressed- then the whole mess with David was next- then the mess with Adam- then the mess with Scott- ha. I know Greg is not perfect, but the flaws he has are okay with me- we all have flaws- It’s like Rent- “I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine.” We all have it- you don’t make it this far in life without it. Lisa told me just to be present in this moment right now and enjoy right now- no need to plan for the future- no need to worry about it right now. Just enjoy being with him. I could fall in love with him. I want to spend more time with him. I know he likes hanging out with his friends- I do too- but I just want to be with him right now- to get to know him. I think this really could be the one.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."