A meeting

Hey brother,

I miss you so much. So So So fucking much. It feels as though no time has passed as though your accident just happened yesterday. Have you seen your name at the Giants and the Warriors games? I’m sure you did and i’m sure you were smiling. Whatta star. Mom and I went out to dinner and Cody and Logan called frantically cause they couldn’t get the tickets for the warriors game.. jeeeez. So we raced home and tried to find them and 40 minutes later mom and I were late to our meeting and the boys somehow got in! Mom and I went to a meeting. A meeting for people who have lost loved ones. Who have lost kids and siblings. Honestly I was just going for mom.. just going to support her and there wasn’t anyone there around my age, all older. But you know what it was so nice so nice in a horrific way. It’s a group no one wants to have to be apart of. No one wants to join or know about. It’s called compassionate friends. But it’s a place everyone can go to and just be. Be yourself, be nothing, say nothing, or say everything. Just hearing other people, their stories and knowing thousands upon millions of people are feeling what we are feeling, going through what we are going through, and trying to get through their lives like we are. Trying to move forward, trying to continue on. To here the stories of what other people are going through is absolutely insane and so sad. How was a so blind to the fucked up world we live in????  To have people saying and thinking exactly what we are and to know that we aren’t crazy is comforting in a strange dreaded way. I want to hear your voice and hug you. You gave the best hugs and were always so warm. I was talking to mom about how we used to paint out nails together when we were really young. You were always so secure and confident in yourself even when you were 2 or however old you were. I hope to one day find a man like you. Find a man that is confident, secure, loves unconditionally, is brave, intelligent, athletic, strong inside and out, kind, generous, selfless, open minded, funny, etc etc etc I could just go on and on with any good adjective I could think of cause you were all of them. You were also stubborn and materialistic. I want to remember it all. I have about a  little less then a month left of school. FINALLY. I seriously am so fucccckkking over this semester, this month, this everything, just everything. Work, school, life, ya everything. I want to travel though I want to travel so you can watch my channel. 

I love you bro. SO MUCH. I miss you. 


~Your Big Sis 


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