So far its been a week since you went into boot camp, and although I want to say how easy it is, its not. It hurts, mainly cause I have no idea where I truly stand with you anymore. I feel like I lost you months ago, but you’re sticking around for our baby. I love you for that, but I understand you are stuck with someone you may not want forever anymore, and it doesn’t seem fair. It hurts, because I do love you, and I made so many mistakes in the past, that I don’t know how to fix anything. I keep hoping that when you return maybe it will fix us, but the truth is life doesn’t work that way. I miss you a lot, and I really wish I could talk to you right now. Maybe it would help? It is sad to say I keep telling myself we broke up. It makes it easier to get through the day, that you’re not gone away at boot camp, just you’re gone. I guess im trying to prepare myself for you to return and say I don’t love you. I hope and pray thats not the case, but who knows. Truth is youre worth the pain, but nothing is worth sitting around every day wondering where I stand with you. I think maybe once I see you again and maybe we can start over, maybe ill be able to trust again.
I will say God is probably the only thing getting me through this right now. Im trying my hardest to get better.