I confronted him about me not wanting me to meet his sister.  He said I took it all wrong and finally admitted to “a poor use of words”.  We had the fight of the century.  He claimed to be royally insulted that I would even think he would cheat on me.  He said he’d been cheated on himself.  My head, heart and gut tell me he’s telling the truth but I don’t want to believe him.  I don’t want to get to Phoenix only to find out I have been used.  I want to go back to Dallas where I can hide in peace.  I don’t want to live on the streets much less live without Murray but I would have to leave him with Ian.  I’m sure this Michelle person would let him stay with her, whomever she may be to Ian.  He thinks we’ve made up but I’ve just agreed with him to keep the peace between us.  Someone called the cops on the neighbors for fighting so I’m trying to keep the peace. 

He’s drunk as hell after drinking 2 tall boys.  I don’t know what’s worse him being drunk or sober.   It’s barely 330 pm and he’s in bed swearing up and down he’s not going to sleep.  I guarantee he will pass out soon and I’ll have to make dinner.  We barely have enough food for 1 or 2 meals and that’s if we only eat a strand of spaghetti a piece.  He’ll barely eat if I fix anything. 

Alcohol tends to work as a truth serum.  He swears up and down he wouldn’t do anything to break my heart, including cheating on me.  He keeps being touchy feely and saying he loves me.  Why can’t he be that way when he’s sober.  I’ve had to explain to him when I strip down naked or wear that one nightgown I’m trying to get his attention to have sex.  He swears up and down he wanted to have sex last night and waited for me in bed and I never came.  I told him he should have said something and he said he refused to beg.  I told him now he knew how I felt constantly feeling like I’m begging him to have sex with me.  I think I finally got it in his head that combined him pulling away from me and not showing affection like he did, lack of interest in sex and always being so secretive about his phone and the games he was always playing were all signs of cheating.  I’ve seen them before and on top of that him not wanting me to be there when he sees his sister….you add it up. 

I’m afraid to go back to Dallas alone to live on the streets and I’m afraid to go to Phoenix with Ian that he’ll dump me and this Michelle person will be an ex lover and not his sister.

At this point I can only surmise that it’s only a matter of time before he pees in the bed again because he’s too drunk to wake up when he needs to pee.

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