Friday April 27th

So last weekend I thought maybe I could decrease my anxiety medicine because I am headed toward happiness now. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that. I need for us to be more settled and stable before I do that.  Maybe after we are together this summer- say, July or August, if we are still doing well- or before then if we are doing REALLY well, like he tells me he loves me or says he wants us to be exclusive, or calls me his girlfriend, that sort of stuff. When I feel secure. I never had doubts when things started up with Brent- and I never had the doubts I should have had when things started up with Craig. Craig was one of the first players I have encountered. I don’t know what is wrong with him. Something is. He can get engaged, but never actually go through with getting married. I can’t believe I thought he was my Big. I’m an idiot. I’m an idiot for even wanting a Big in my life. I should have been wanting an Aiden all along. He was a much better man and was far better than she deserved. Far better. I see all that now. I have to keep my shit together this weekend. I have to be mindful and enjoy every minute.


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