Guess who’s procrastinating again

Bingo, tis me, your professional procrastinator

School starts on Monday and I worked this week, more than I had thought I would, and I’m happy about that but it’s still not enough. The thing is, I like working reaaaally really slowly to like, really check everything is perfect, but I don’t have time for that, but I still do it, so everytime I have to rush to finish everything on time. I started off my trimester with the WORST GRADES, I don’t know how I should feel about it. Is it my fault? Well, partly, but should I feel guilty? I really like to think that no matter how long it takes, days, weeks, months, things will eventually get better. And that’s very true to me so right now I’m thinking I should feel super guilty because this is prolly gonna impact my studies or whatever but at the same time, it’s not? Right? I don’t know how to explain it. Like normally I would be so stressed about it but I’m trying to convince myself this is just a bad month and it will soon be over. Maybe this is not clear, I’m really bad at expressing myself, like REALLY bad. But eh I’m just here to vent (and procrastinate).

So I have two days left, I still have time to work today, and then school on Monday but thennnn Tuesday is a bank holiday so I’ll have even more time. Man I love May so much hehe so many bank holidays.

Oooh also I went to the movies with a friend two days ago to watch Infinity War heh. When it was finished my friend was disappointed, and I only heard people saying stuff like “man this was shit” but,,,,, I really liked it? Because I genuinely am on the villain’s side but as everyone else, when the film came to a point where the situation was really desperate for the heroes, I was awaiting a deus ex machina and kinda feeling sad about it because that meant the villain would lose but it never came!!!!! I was so happy!!!!!! And to be honest all the people who are like “OH MY GOD IM SO DEVASTATED THIS CHARACTER I LOVED DIED” are really annoying cause like,,,,, please, don’t pretend you’re surprised, I mean idk we all knew a whole bunch of people were gonna die. And don’t act like they aren’t gonna magically come back to life in the next film. I am so sure that will happen. I mean doesn’t Marvel need the characters to make money dhdhjdjdj but also come on. A villain can never win in a Marvel movie right. And I really don’t know shit about technical cinematographic stuff so that can’t ruin the movie for me dhdbbdjd

In history I have a test I have to study for but man it has been months since we’ve started working on WWII and I am so sick of it. I like XXth century but like this is too much, I have been striving for some Middle Ages, it’s my favourite period to learn about, but I am 94% sure the programme doesn’t include that and nor does next year’s history programme.

I have to vent about my social life too hahaha look at me saying “my social life” as if I actuallt had one and it weren’t just overanalysed stuff that’s only going on in my head. Anyway there’s this M. guy, so I know I have already talked about an M. guy before but this one isn’t the same. Just saying in case someone actually reads this shit, which is highly impropable but eh. So the other M. guy is M. B. and this one is M. S.. So M. S. and I talk from time to time but only on the phone, I mean we just text each other. Not so often but not so rarely either, I know I’m probably just a distraction but he’s really cool and I really wanna be his friend. He’s like my friend crush, there was a term for this, what was it uuuh help me urban dictionary, oh right it’s called a squish. Such a cute word. Anyway I think I’m really uncool and awkward and I think I annoy him but sometimes he texts me and we talk and well I’m cool with that, and lately I’ve been wanting to text him but I don’t know how to start a conversation (“people skills”? Never heard of those).

There’s also that other guy who I also want to be friends with but like, not friends friends, just like talk to him from time to time, he’s really cool too and I like talking to him. I talk with him irl though, unlike the other guy. So he actually lives so far away from the school so during school days he lives with some family who lives close to the school and that actually makes him my neighbour, so we sometimes go to school or go back home together, and sometimes on Wednesdays we have lunch together, and so we have really nice conversations that I really enjoy. But outside of this we don’t really talk so being neighbours is like my only excuse to talk to him. But he said next year he would probably rent an apartment that is much closer to the school and maybe share it with his older brother who is coming to study in the city too, and I really don’t want that to happen. It’s better for him though, that is super understandable of course, and I think he’s gonna do it and I’ll be very sad but hey what can I do about it. I think if I tell him what I really think he’ll make fun of me and think I’m joking. But if he tells me he is going to move I think I’m gonna try to tell him I’ll miss talking to him and ask him if we can find some time to talk. But I think he’ll find this weird if he believes me and he’ll probably refuse because I think he sees me as a distraction too, just someone to hang out with when his friends aren’t here. This sounds very sad but I swear it isn’t djdhdhjsbdjd I don’t really care. Of course it makes me sad, but like I don’t care about being sad. Does this make sense? Again, I’m very bad at expressing myself.

Okay I’m finished venting, I think I’m actually going to do some work now.

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