Please.. Never cut again darling

A couple of weeks ago my 17 year old daughter told me she was sexually assaulted by a boy she knew. He was her age, a friend. She had not long broke up with her boyfriend and she was spending a lot of time with her friends. 

After a while of talking and laughter, this teenage boy decided to kiss my daughter, she broke off the kiss and said she didn’t want to. He continued to try kiss her and tickle her to lighten her mood. She continually told him no, which he wasn’t really listening and thought the whole thing as a joke meanwhile my daughter was starting to get scared. 

She started to walk away, which he followed. She realised he was following so she started walking faster while he was continually tickling and groping her. She freaked out and started to run to her other friend she could see about 100 meters away. Her so called FRIEND who thought this was all a joke tackles my daughter to the ground and starts getting handsy and feeling her breasts and body. The panic has kicked in for my daughter because she can’t understand why her friend isn’t stopping. How many time has she gotta say no. She gets to her feet and makes it to her other friend she she’s. She is crying. 

I remember a male friend of hers walking her home that afternoon. She comes inside and says Mum, I need to talk to you. She tells me. She tells me she’s not quite sure if he was intentionally trying to hurt her or if he thought the whole thing as a joke but as weeks pass, my husband and I can see she is not coping. It is affecting her. With all the stresses of grade 12 and this combined, she is falling deeper and deeper into depression. 

We spoke to the police, they have taken my daughters statement and I have taken her to the doctors to get her on a mental health plan so she can see a psychologist. Her appointment was in a week, which is this Monday.  That was a week ago. 

Two days ago she said she had something really important to tell me and she was sorry. She made a huge mistake and that she had learnt her lesson and will never do it again. I was like.. what are you talking about. She pulls up her sleeve while crying and shows me what she has done to her arm. Right there is about 20 cuts she has on her arm. Thank goodness they are not deep.

I just start crying with her. My head starts racing.. What has she done to herself, I hold her and we cry together. My poor beautiful girl. I believe her when she says she won’t do it again.  I have raised my kids to be strong minded and they are, but she thought this could ease her pain. She told me if she could just replace the emotional pain she was feeling with physical pain, she might be able to bare the pain. I know what feeling is like. But I never dared to go there. Her appointment is this Monday. Monday can’t come fast enough

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