Sunday April 29th

I’m feeling a little better this am. Not because things are better with Greg. He posted happy anniversary to his goddam dead wife on facebook last night. What the absolute total fuck. ugh. She has been dead for 13 years. He is supposedly dating me. He knows we are facebook friends and I will see that shit. Not a moment of courtesy or consideration as to how that would make me feel? Not a whit. Well, it made me feel like shit and a dumbass. That’s how it made me feel. I was already feeling red flag-ish over the drinking daily. And, his doctor told him yesterday that she thinks he has cirrhosis and his drinking days are over, so what did he do last night? He sat at home alone and got drunk. Not a good sign. I haven’t asked anyone from home about him. I have been considering asking Chuck. I don’t know if that’s a good idea or no. I’ll see how this week goes. I did get back on Tinder. I guess deleting it was premature. I don’t know what else to do. I cannot be all in with this man if I don’t know what the fuck is going on with him. 

Some good news, I did lose a little weight- down about 3-4 pounds. I still have a shit ton to go, but at least I am losing. I need to refrain from drinking and not eat dinner on Friday and Saturdays- that would help. I am drinking a lot of water. I have been drinking a full glass of water at school before I drink my breakfast drink, and that is helping. I have got to get back going with those arm exercises and crunches. my middle is squishy and I don’t want that. My arms are fat and I sure as fuck don’t want that. 

I felt so angry and frustrated over this shit with Greg yesterday. I am so goddam sick of this goddam game. I am forty fucking eight years old. I should not have to do this shit at my age. 

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