He went and donated plasma this morning.  He put 1 gallon of gas in the car….and it’s down to 0 miles left to go til empty.  He thinks the computer on the car is off.  He did manage to stop for beer and cigarettes but no groceries.   I haven’t had any insulin in almost 24  hours and still no food to eat…..he won’t go get groceries.  I guess as long as he’s got beer and cigarettes everything is ok.  He doesn’t seem to get it that I’m dealing with a life threatening health issue and need to eat and take my insulin.  But then again who cares.  Certainly not him or my mother.  I’m scared….I feel like I’m facing my death right now.  If I go too long without insulin I’ll go into shock and will be stuck here because I’ll be in the hospital.  Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll just let me lay there and die.  Nobody will miss me anyway, so I guess who cares.  I’m starting to realize just how alone I really am and how little anyone cares.  He doesn’t even notice that I’m crying…..  I’m really worried about who will care for Murray, the cat.  I can’t even get the asshole to give him his treats on schedule.  I worry that he’ll forget to feed and water him.  Why is this happening to me now?  Murray needs me to take care of him.  Ian certainly won’t.  He’ll probably move and forget to take Murray with him at some point.

Now on top of everything else he’s half way to drunk and he’s being hateful to me over getting groceries so I can take my insulin.   I just don’t understand why he just doesn’t get it that  I could die…..go into shock.  Why does he keep staying if he hates me so much?  I wish he would just go to the rich pregnant bitch.  Why keep soaking me dry?

He’s been so angry lately….so hateful.  Everything seemed like it was going fine.  Suddenly he doesn’t want me looking at him (he claims it makes him paranoid).  That’s a sign of the fact he must be hiding something.  This morning he’s getting angry because I won’t look at him.  I’m just doing what he wanted….not looking at him.

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