Monday April 30th

I had a really bad night. I started a different antibiotic yesterday and I think it was the cause. I woke up at midnight so sick I couldn’t stand myself. I vomited. I never, ever vomit. I was awake for about an hour or so. I was so sick I wondering if I was having a heart attack since they say women are nauseated with them. It was overwhelming sickness- my stomach, my whole body felt tight and I felt like I couldn’t breathe well. I would give anything to be able to go home after school today and just go to bed, but I have a fucking track meet. Ugh. I will never, ever do this again! I will be so happy when it’s over! Today should have been the last meet, but she fucking added one on Wednesday. I am going to try to do as little as possible next year. Just my job and go home. I did sign up for site based elections, but maybe I won’t get it. I just asked my name be removed from the ballot. Now I don’t have to worry about that, either. 

I had to text Greg first again yesterday. I didn’t text him until around 7pm last night. He said he was just about to text me (truth? maybe). We texted then for a while. He did not text me goodnight. I guess those days are past. He did that every day for a while- he also texted me good morning every day. I am not going to text him today- not at all. We’ll see if I hear from him. I did straight out ask him if we have a date on Saturday. He said yes. I just feel very insecure in this whole thing. I also sent Chuck a message yesterday on FB. It was nothing – just friendly, hey, glad you’re doing well. He did not respond. I had hoped to begin a dialogue with him so I could ask about Greg. Maybe he knew that and that’s why he didn’t respond. I did get back on Tinder yesterday. I talked to a 41 year old attorney that lives really close to me. It’s ironic that Greg said I would dump him for some lawyer. It’s his own fault, though. He’s the one pushing me away. I wanted a relationship with him. All this shit really sucks. It is ludicrous that I am fucking 48 years old and I’m dealing with this adolescent bullshit.  

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