Confused

I’m not sure how to start this. All I know is that I am an adult but I remember when I was a teenager and I had a diary on teenopendiary.com, that site helped me alot. Well life goes on and you grow up and eventually I stopped writing. Recently I’ve been overwhelmed and so stressed I’ve been thinking things I shouldn’t. I watched a show on tlc about adult open diaries and how they can be helpful to some adults. At this point I will try anything. I just turned 33 today, I have a 7 month old son. Hes literally a miracle. I was told I couldn’t have kids. It took a while for me to come to terms with it but I did eventually. A couple years later I found out I was pregnant which was the best thing I ever heard. But I also knew that my boyfriend and I were always fighting and not getting along. My parents were that way. My dad put my mom in the hospital a couple times. And every bf she had after that treated her like butt. Well that’s not what I want. But then I was pregnant. I thought It would change things but no. He’s worse now. Our son is now 7 months old and I don’t want him growing up watching his dad fight with his mom and when hes not fighting hes passed out wherever he is. It’s embarrassing. I don’t know why I put up with it. But I’m exhausted. I work and when I’m not working I’m at home taking care of everything and I’m drained. I don’t have a car my job is almost 2 miles away and when I walk home the last part is like 700 feet is uphill. Then I get home and do everything while we argue until he passes out. I want to leave but I don’t. I know that makes no sense. I have so much more to write but it’s late. This is just a start but I already feel better. This process might work. Good night. 

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