Lifeee is out of control

I lay in bed at 1:50 am not able to sleep yet again because I been having nightmares every night for over 6 months. I don’t know what to do anymore. My life is a mess. Not that long ago I seen the man that was a stranger that raped me when I was 13. I’m 21 years old and all these years I haven’t seen him. Why now why ever. At a random gas station. He looked me in my eyes he knew who I was even after all these years. I try to pretend like it never happened but it’s so hard. None of my family know that I seen him. Just my boyfriend we’ll ex boyfriend now but I’m hoping we get back together. Right after I seen him I bumped into the man that held me against my will in a Uber ride and wouldn’t let me out. I seen him as he walked into the bar. He looked me in my eyes like it didn’t phase him and walked right into the bar. 2 men that violated me I’ve seen again in a 2 month period. Why. All I want to know is why are these bad things happening. My mom is in a abusive relationship with my sisters father. Me and my sister just recently found out her father which is my stepfather is cheating on our mother again. Our moms a alcoholic and has been threw so much. If we tell her she will get even worse then she is. On top of that my stepfather is abusive. He will really beat her bad if we let her know what he has been doing because that’s what happens when they argue. They argue everyday but if she finds out about this it will be World War 3 and I’m scared my mother will not be able to survive threw it. If it’s threw the boose or a beating from my stepfather. So me and my 15 year old little sister are holding this deep secret and I can’t even imagine how my baby sister truly feels. I love her so much she’s like my daughter. But this man is her dad. When she seen my stepdad was cheating again I’ve never seen her cry so much. It breaks my heart because she is my babygirl I helped raise her. She’s my world and it hurts so bad that I can’t get her out of that house. I don’t have a job I’m trying so hard. My stepdad is verbally abusive to us all. My names has been cunt and bitch since I’ve met this man. And now my sister is going threw the same thing but this is her actual father. On top of all this I was told I’m going to have to get a surgery on my ear. For over 3 years my ear has been in so much pain. But just recently it got worse weren’t it landed me into a hospital stay. They still couldn’t figure out what was wrong and released me. I don’t trust doctors. I hate them they don’t believe that your in pain untill it becomes extremely serious. Finally found out what’s wrong and now I have to undergo surgery or I can become fully deaf in my right ear. All because of a extreme ear infection that permanent damaged my ear that lasted over 3 years and no doctor cares that it wouldn’t go away or didn’t care to aknwoledge that my antibiotics did not work. My face has gone numb twice because of this. All this could of been prevented if the doctors just believed me when I said I was in pain and took me serious. After finding this out I find out that my grandfather which is my favorite person in the world is having health complications and he was throwing up blood from internally bleeding. They say they think he is okay now but have to find a medication that works for him for him to stay alive and he’s allergic to all of them. So he’s stuck taking medication that he’s allergic too just to keep him alive. My grandparents raised me. There my whole world. I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost them. There my rock. There the only people I ever could count on. I just pray to God that God answers my prayers. Please God I’m going threw so much I believe you are great please help me with all my struggles. I’m going threw so so much right now. I hope you can grant me strength because I don’t know how much more I can take. Please God help. I’m going threw all this and haven’t got a nights sleep in over 6 months. 

2 thoughts on “Lifeee is out of control”

  1. My heart is breaking for you. Please try to reach out to someone, no one will be able to help and guide you if they don’t know. Sometimes it takes that leap of faith to get on the right side of living life. HUGS

  2. I tried to tell my boyfriend but he hasn’t try to help me at all. But I have a psychiatrist appointment. So fingers crossed that helps Thankyou so much xoxo

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