Scared to death

 He didn’t leave.   He hid his car and then took mine to go to his sisters.   I can’t report my car stolen because he had a set of keys.   I don’t know how I’m going to get me and Murray out of here.   I’m sure the bus would let him on as a therapy animal but I’d have to keep him in the carrier with no food and water or litter breaks for however long it would take us to get from Phoenix to Dallas…. That could take a week.   I don’t know what to do.   I’ve got one more week here at least provided Ian doesn’t go to the front desk and have me removed from the lease or checks us out.   I won’t get my money back if he checks us out.   I can’t believe I’m so stupid.   I don’t know that this Michelle person is really his sister or not.  I don’t even know that he actually went there or to meet a woman to spend the night with her.   I’ve never met a man who would go weeks without sex with his girlfriend unless he was getting it somewhere else.   He sent me an email while I was out telling me I made him puke.   I guess it was just a matter of time before he dumped me anyhow. He got what he needed from me…… A free trip to Phoenix  from Albuquerque.  I must have sicker tattooed in big red letters on my forehead.   I don’t see how anybody could want me.   I’m still as ugly and repulsive as ever.  No matter what I do to look better…. It will never happen.   I’m so scared.   I don’t know what I’m going to do or how I’m going to get it done.   I know my mother will never help.   She thinks I deserve to live on the streets.   How am I going to subject Murray to this heat.   It’s been getting up to 106 during the day.  I can barely handle it myself. 

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