Why can’t I just cut my loses and run?  Leave and not turn back?  He seems like he already doesn’t have any need for me.  He stays on his phone pretty much 24/7.  It’s only going to get worse once he goes to work.  He doesn’t seem to notice me around.  I’m sad and hurting.  I almost called the police last night and had myself committed for being suicidal…..I have been thinking of it but can’t quite bring myself to it.  I feel that I’m going to lose him once he goes to work.  I feel certain that he’ll choose the shift that causes him to pay even less attention to me.  I can’t get him to have sex with me….it’s just been once since we left Albuquerque.  I see an end to the relationship coming….soon.  So why can’t I just pack up me and Murray and leave while we can?  Why am I too scared to leave?  I guess it’s because there is a warm body here with me.  I want so much more but can’t get it from Ian any more.  He refuses to meet my needs although his are being met by any means possible.  His sister gave him $20 last night and he spent pretty much all of it on beer and cigarettes.  And he got more today.

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