143. Enough time has passed.

I’m assuming all that have come across this journal, have given up on if I’d write again. 

 

I have this hole growing in the middle of me, and I need to write it some where. 

Poetry has been helping, it’s great to have the pen to paper again. I have always loved writing  

 

My life by no means in is shambles, but my heart hurts. After months, I let someone in, loving every second of it, for her to leave me, to find her self, and find her way back to god. Sound familiar? 

 

I’m not mad, I understand more then anyone else.

I just miss her

 

I miss everything, the way she’d rub my head until I’d fall asleep, or have me laughing til 6 in the morning. I just lay here thinking of tag in the BK parking lot while it rains, or paper towel fights in the dollar store. I miss fighting with her, and holding her when it’s over, laughing because it was something so dumb. If kill for and egg and sausage burrito as she sends me home so she can go to work. 

 

I never thought I’d be able to let someone in again, and she sunk my ship. She’s perfect. 

My jobs great, I’m stable, back in shape, eating right, I barely drink. I’ve traveled some amazing places. I just want someone to love, to give everything to. 

 

Usually I’ve found a rebound by now, someone to lay with so it’s not so…empty. I can’t. I would give anything to be able to, to make it go away. Someone to take my attention, make my mind wander somewhere else. I may here alone, belonging to someone who doesn’t belong to me. I’ve never been left because for any other reason other then I cheated. This is a new feeling, it hurts and digs at you much more. 

How could she tell me she loves me, then leave me two days later????

It makes the “not good enough” feeling, way to overwhelming.

 

 

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