Over and over

He peed the bed again last night.  And of course I was the one up at 2 am getting the sheets out of the car and I was the one making up the bed, again.  Why is it he’s screwing up and I’m the one who has to fix it.  His parents must have been that way.  He claims he got his GED at 16 because a teacher had him expelled for skipping school.  I’ll bet he doesn’t even have that.  He even had the nerve to tell me a few days ago during an argument that I was illiterate.  I am so sick of this shit.  He claims one ex girlfriend went back to a man who tried to rape her and another one went back to a man who got her hooked on smack and he doesn’t understand why they would rather be with bad men than with him.  I can tell him why, because of his drinking and treating them like shit and insulting them.  I’d rather be on the streets of Dallas and being homeless than here with him.  I hate it here.  It’s too hot and there are too many people and too much cement.  Just what I was leaving Dallas for.  He swears up and down the crime rate is higher here than anywhere in the world, yet he isn’t concerned for my safety and well being.  He thinks it’s perfectly safe for me to roam the streets alone at 3 am.  The crime rate here is the lowest in the country but there still is crime….crime that could get me killed or raped or beaten to death.  He doesn’t care.  I’m sick and tired of the screaming, yelling and insults, changing the sheets at 2 am because he goes to bed too drunk to wake up when he needs to pee.  Even my drunk ex husband wasn’t drunk enough to pee the bed at night.  He won’t let me watch Unsolved Mysteries or Dog the Bounty Hunter because they’re crime shows and I’m too paranoid because of it.  People who think there’s no crime or crime won’t happen to them are stupid and are the ones crime hits because they are naïve.  I’m not going to be one of them.  All I’ve ever wanted was someone to love me and cherish me for who I am.  I wasn’t expecting a Chip N Dale.  Just someone to love me and treat me good.   It finally has sunk in that that will never happen no matter how hard I look or don’t look, it doesn’t matter.  I’ll always end up with a loser that treats me like shit.

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