148. Disgusted

Last night I received a message from someone Gabby is supposedly dating. Pretty much putting me down in ever physical manner they could, plus the fact I’m trans. Saying that’s why she left me and now is with them. 

Beyond a shot to the heart. It has made is much easier to let it all go. If that’s how she feels, who she wants to be with, or associate with. I’m better off with out her. It makes me sick to my stomach she would use the love would so lightly after preaching about how deep it runs and means to her. I sickened by the type of person I thought she was, and believed she was trying to better her self by god, to allow something like this to happen. Whom ever it was had to a way to get my cell phone number, and phone so much about me personally. 

I’m disgusted I fell for such a fraud, that I cared so deeply  and I hurt so bad. I’m mad at my self for understand and being considerate of her choice. I’m mad at my self for even giving once ounce of faith back to love, for giving my self to her, for wanting her so bad, I absolutely hate I cared at all. 

I don’t think any less of my self for the comments made, other then how I could let some one such as this close to me, into my home, and into who I am. The lessons I’ve learned are worth it, the punch to the heart will heal, though I will admit, it doesn t suck any less. 

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