Don’t Know What To Do

I know how it feels to be unloved, especially by a parent. I was 6 the first time I remember my dad putting hands on me. He grabbed my by the neck & squeezed, leaving his nail prints in my neck. School pictures were the next day, so I will forever be reminded of that day whenever I see that picture. As for my mom, I don’t remember how she was towards me before my brother was born, but once he was here, I was pushed to the side. She couldn’t have cared less about me after that. And it stayed that way until the day she died. Even in our family videos from like holidays & stuff, you can literally see her looking at me as if I was some kind of disease. So neither of my parents ever gave a damn about me. No wonder my mind is so fucked up. 

But, I have no clue what it is to be on the other side of that coin. I can’t imagine not loving my children. My oldest is grown, married, with 2 kids of her own. But my 15 year old daughter is still at home with me. Her dad doesn’t do a damn thing for her, yet he is the one she will actually talk to when something bothers her. She blows me off when I try to talk to her to find out what she’s upset about. Doesn’t she realize that I can’t help with something I’m not aware of? I honestly feel like she hates me, & I don’t know what to do. She is my baby, & there are no words to express how much I love her. Without her, I would have no more reason to be here. She’s what I live for. Tonight she was crying, & wouldn’t talk to me at all. Her dad got her to talk to him on the phone, & she ended up out on the porch just bawling talking to him. Did I do something wrong? I don’t understand. Why does she hate me????

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