I already know

You know this is such bullshit, 

That this is the only way I feel like I can talk to you. Is through a computer through typing  through words in which you probably don’t even read considering you never liked to read. You know what else is bullshit.. You not wearing your seatbelt. Do you know how hard that is for me.. for us??! How hard it is to say what if. How many fucking conversations did we have like WTF truly. And really it’s bullshit that I’m angry. Ya J i’m angry at you. trust me I don’t like it either. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you to death, doesn’t mean I don’t miss the fuck out of you. But yes I am angry and I have a right to be. I don’t understand how something this crazy and random can happen but it can because this is life and life is fucked up. I bet dawson had his seatbelt on. One simple thing. One simple thing that could’ve saved your life. Mom told me non chalant as if I had known that. No i didn’t know and no I don’t want to know I don’t want to be angry at you or at anyone but yet.. Here we are. It’s just all bullshit truly. Why do I keep hearing about all of these other people saying they have heard from their dead loved ones and yet I hear nothing. I feel like I am doing something wrong. Am I? Am I not receptive enough, not open minded enough? I will do anything and at this point I feel like it’s my fault cause you came to cody, logan, lily etc already and they are more open minded about the afterlife than I am or than mom is for that matter. No joke I have been watching people that have ghost stories and are “haunted” so I can do the things they say not to do. Well not necessarily do them like I’m not gonna play that stupid game to summon spirits but I want to be more open to the idea so maybe you will see me if it is something I am doing wrong. And Ya you don’t have to tell me I’m crazy cause I already know. 

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