strange

I just feel so depressed and alone. No matter what. No matter who I talk to I feel alone and distant. I don’t know what I am doing with my life and I don’t know where I will end up. I have no motivation for anything anymore. And I feel like getting into student debt and getting a degree will be pointless but I’ve already come this far and don’t want to regret anything so I will continue going through the motions. Maybe you helped me pass Microeconomics cause I seriously have no idea how I did that but thank the lord I don’t have to retake that. So yes I passed my classes and I am moving on to a new chapter in my life. Moving on to hopefully new and better things. Going to Costa Rica which I am questioning and have no idea what to expect. But off we go there and then I will be moving which I am very ready for. I’m so ready for that, that I want to just skip it altogether and go straight to having my own appointment somewhere. Then fast forward to having a little dinky house somewhere beautiful, next to the ocean, with a subpar job with my dog making just enough to travel a few times a year and to enjoy whatever life I have left. Well yes I know I am overthinking but that is just what I’m good at. Will you be with me throughout all of that or maybe I will die before any of it. All very questionable. Life is weird isn’t it? You can be doing so much and care  so strongly and then the next second everything can be gone and none of it mattered. It is amazing to me how long we have been on this earth and how little we know of the afterlife. What a strange, strange world hu?

Help me be the best person I can be and make the best decisions I can while I am on this strange fickle earth. 

I love you J,

Sister Alyssa 

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