I don’t even know how to start this. I question everything I do and I’ve probably deleted this a few times already. As my title said this entry is about relationship & anxiety, both are hard but having both together can I almost seem impossible some days especially in my position. Let me elaborate on this….
I’ve had abusive relationships in my past. My boyfriend works out of state and I barely see him as of late. We met online little over 2 years ago shortly after he got out of a bad relationship. I am almost 6.5 years older than he is. We seem like complete opposites but love with everything.
As I said in previous post my relationships was toxic, which made me have a lot of trust issues not just with men but with people in general. Which is why I do have a very difficult time with him working out of state even though I know he’s doing it for our family and our future. I trust him more than anything but my constant worry with anxiety does make it hard too. My mind loves to play games with me and make me think he’s doing something I know he isn’t. Most days I can control those thoughts but other days I can’t, and I’ll have a meltdown of some sort usually crying til I can’t anymore. We was forced to spend time apart in the past cause he had to spend 6 months in jail over something that happened before we met. Over that time we grew a lot closer emotionally we wrote each other everyday and shared so much of who we are, built a real foundation to our relationship. Without us doing that than I don’t think we could be getting through this time now or be as close as we are. Than with are age difference and not having a lot in common besides being head over heels for each other, we’re just like every other happy couple. I see myself growing old with him and spending the rest of my life with him. He is the only man I want or need, he is who I feel safe with. When I am with him I feel like nothing can hurt me, that everything will/is okay. I can’t wait til the day I can steal his last name and be his forever. With him by my side I know I can get through anything including overcoming my anxiety.
I Love You Honey Bear With All My Heart ~~~~~I Will Always Be Your Momma Bear