THINKING?????

I been doing a lot of thinking as of late about my future and my purpose in life. I know part of my purpose is to be a mother, wife and care taker to my loved ones. But I’m talking about more than that, I know y’all are probably thinking get into the health care field. Which is great but I get very attached to people when I let them in and I’m terrified of needles; blood makes me queasy I even have difficulty handling when my kids get hurt. So with that said medical is out unless it doesn’t involve working with patients, I do have a degree in Medical Coding and Billing but can’t find a job without experience. I’ve actually thought about going the nutritional route, like a nutritionist or health coach or something like. I’m not the healthiest or the one whose in shape by any means but thought since I wanna learn who to take better care of myself why don’t I go back to school and be able to help others too. I started making changes in my life 10 years ago after my mom had her first stroke and the Dr looked at me and said that I’m a high risk and possibly have an issue at an earlier age because of family history. At that time I was only 26 and it shook me that he would say that so bluntly. After he made that statement I made some lifestyle changes and started getting my weight under control along with my health. I was doing really well until my marriage at the time became more than I could handle and started spiraling downward. I became and emotional eater, eating til I felt numb even when I wasn’t hungry. Than that relationship came to an end and I actually focused on myself again by going back to school than for Medical Coding which was extremely difficult being a single mother of 3. After I finished school my health slowly improved and I started dating again and ended up in another toxic rocky relationship and my weight started going up again. Than everything came to a halt for me me and my kids ended up homeless but thankful my parents chose to take us in even though we’re crowded here and I’ve been here almost 6 years. Am I proud that I am still here no but it is what it is. My boyfriend now and I have been looking for a place its difficult cause we have a pitbull. Plus my mom had another stroke last year with bleeding on the brain, she’s okay thankful but will never be like her old self bS ut is close to it. So the hunt is on again for a place cause as of late it’s getting more and more stressful here. As it gets worse my anxiety gets worse which causes my stress to get worse and as those happen my eating habits pay the price. My weight is to the point it’s out of control and if I don’t get a hold of it I’m going to end up just like that Dr years ago said. I’ll end up hurting my loved ones more than I will ever want too. 

So with my history of not being able to maintain control of my own health and habits. I don’t know if going into that field is something I should do. How can I ask someone else to do things if  can’t stick to it myself. But my therapist did say I should start putting myself first, making myself a priority and find what makes me happy. When I am happy with things in my life the better I will feel and will be able to care for my family better than I already do. It’s a big commit on my part with taking care of everything I already take care of, but in the long run it will benefit my family too. 

Lots to think about…………..Decisions……….Decisions…………………………………..  

2 thoughts on “THINKING?????”

  1. I’d say to go with your gut. That sounds really cheezy but while you’re doing that document it. Treat yourself as if you were given the responsibility to grow a tree. Daily affirmations and meditation is key. If you give out a positive outlook on the universe it’s just bound to come back.
    Yes, I agree. I do get attached to people on first meeting as well. Probably why I’m s o guarded.
    It’s great that you know what you need to work on. Just don’t neglect your needs.

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