It’s been so long since the last time I’ve journaled. Life has been crazy. Not even sure there’s any point in writing this shit down. I guess I can give it a try.
Frank went total psycho on me. About 3 months ago. To say it was a total shock is to say nothing really. To say I was devastated is to grossly underwhelm how fucking horrible I felt. But it wasn’t about me. It was about Frankie and trying to help him. Did I? Well, no. An utter and complete failure in that department. I also was fooled into thinking that dad and Jason were still alive. What a tool. Long story short…Frank killed Gwane, Godfree, Lans and Elion. He also tried killing our sister. Then, when that didn’t work out, he tried threatening to blow up New York, Beirut, Paris and Kiev. We stopped those attacks. Then he decided it would be fun to kidnap Colin. At that point I knew the brother I loved and cared for is gone.
It took me about 5 weeks to finally catch him. After that I put him in Flin’s psych ward. Where I used to stay when I thought that I was crazy. (Actually I wasn’t. Frank gave me pills that caused all that shit: hallucinations, desire to die and the rest of the idiotic stuff that I did and that I don’t want to talk about).
I can visit him once a month. It took me some time to accept what happened, so the first time that I visited him was yesterday. He is a little bit better but has a long fucking time to go before he can be even considered to live freely. It may never happen. I’m not about to risk lives of any more people unless I’m absolutely confident that psycho is gone. The saddest shit is that this psycho is a part of him. He may never leave. And he killed too many people I loved for me to forgive him.
What else has happened?
Well, nothing as crazy as that. Life goes on. There are only a few people in my life now that I can call my own, my closest circle. Everyone else fucking died. Assholes. But I’m sure we’ll see each other again some day.
I recovered (finally) from everything that happened in the last couple of years. It took me longer this time round. Now that I recall the way I behaved in certain situations, I am ashamed. I should have been stronger. Should have complained less. Should have been more truthful and less emotional. Those fucking emotions…They led me into doing some idiotic stuff and say even more idiotic words. Well, it’s never too late to learn from your mistakes.
I’m about to turn 35 this summer. And plan to live through 35 more. (Hopefully.)