I got back from Florida today. I’m glad I went. It was good for me to get away. I texted G a couple of times today- Ugh. I wish he would text me first for once. Just for fucking once. I suppose he did when he got his package and told me thanks- I am fairly certain that this is his last week there and then he comes home for 2 weeks. I swear to god, if he doesn’t want to see me, I am going to be so disappointed. I’m wondering if he thinks he’s not going to see me at all until he’s well??? Surely he doesn’t think we are going to text for 8 months??? I don’t know what to do- I don’t know how to handle this- I don’t know if I should give up or hold on. I know that several people that I know that are married wouldn’t be married right now if she gave up – the woman persisted and eventually got married. Is that what I need to do? Is that why I haven’t been successful with dating? I don’t chase after people? Outside of his illness, I still don’t know what he wanted or where this was headed. If he doesn’t want to see me the entire two weeks he’s home, I’m gonna have a problem with it. I just don’t know what to do. It’s so frustrating. He fucking knows he’s going to get better- he’s gotten nothing but good news since this process started, so what the fuck is the problem? I’m just going to persist in checking in on him daily and not ask to see him.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."