My Craziness of a Life

Things have been so crazy around her lately, some days I feel like I’m gonna lose my mind or what’s left of it. Dealing with two teenage daughter’s, an almost teenage boy, my parents and my boyfriend being over 2 hours away majority of the time; is overwhelming. It’s no wonder I’m feeling extremely stressed out and I’m worried it’s going to start affecting my health sooner than later, which causes my anxiety to get worse and my stress to get worse too. It’s like a never ending cycle, that I can’t break no matter how hard I try and I have to break it. No one seems to be getting along lately, arguing over everything and anything, the pettiest little shit. It’s almost like we can’t just have a normal day where no one fights with someone else, is it too much to ask for a day of peace with NO ARGUING does a day like that exist. Can I just have a day where I don’t feel unwanted and not appreciated, where I feel completely accepted by my family and loved. It’s kinda of the story of my life, I’ve always tried to get my parents approval on anything to have them actually be proud of me and not feel like a disappointment. I’ve made a lot of poor choices in my life and I regret a lot but in the end its made me who I am. But honestly is it too much to ask for to be told “I’m proud of you” or “I appreciate what you do” or “Good Job”. You think I would be use to it by now and in ways I am but it still hurts. I’ll ask opinions on varies things and either get blown off or get a whatever/I don’t know or something like that. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t what their honest opinion and input. It’s no wonder I suffer from anxiety and showing signs of depression, anyone would who feels like their unwanted. I don’t say anything to them about it anymore, why because I don’t see the point it won’t change anything so I keep how I feel to myself. I know it’s not healthy to do and that’s why I started writing on here, to get things out just as my therapist said I should. I’m still trying to figure my life out and what my purpose, my path is and I will one day. I just gotta keep fighting and keep moving until then, which I pray is soon. I take care of everyone around me, making sure their all okay and here I am neglecting myself and dying inside slowly. Taking one day at a time is all I can do………So here is to a better day tomorrow!!!!

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