????WHY????

Why is the question of the day. Why? Why am I here? Why am I so useless? Why am I not wanted? Why can’t I love myself? Those are questions I been asking myself all day today. Why you may ask…..the answer is simple…….my boyfriend of 2 years said he doesn’t know if we’re okay….that he thinks he lied to me yesterday when he said we was……that he loves me me to death just doesn’t know if he’s in love anymore. Let’s just say it hit me like a ton of bricks…it came out of nowhere. I thought everything has been good between us than BOOM….. I dunno how to take what he said he did say he wants to talk about things when he gets time off and gets back home. I guess that’s a good thing that he wants to talk but usually in my case when someone says we need to talk or i dunno about us it leaves me heartbroken. I know I am not the easiest person to handle because of my anxiety and insecurities but DAMN don’t I deserve to be loved  and happy. I emotionally can’t go through another break up especially not with this guy…..if this is the end than it’s the end for me and all relationships….after this I am done with men…I spend the rest of my life alone. Why do I say that you may ask because obviously I suppose to be alone and put the effort into myself as I do others…Why else does nothing work out for me and I can’t put my kids through another break up….I can’t see them hurt again and again because they get close to who I am with. What kind of mother would I be if I allow that to happen over and over again. It’s not fair to them by any means or myself, I rather me be hurt than them any day…that’s the reason I was single for years after my last relationship. 

I am praying this talk goes well and how I hope………

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