Been a long time…..

So lets see. It’s been a really long time since I’ve written down anything about how I’m feeling.

So lets see. I love my husband, I really and truly do. But sometimes I feel like he just doesn’t get me or I can’t what I need from him out. I know that if I did he would do his damnedest to do anything for me, and I would do the same for him. I think sometimes I need him to put down his phone and pay attention to me or put the video games away and just sit next to me and hold me. Now I’m sure that I could do the same for him. But I look around and I see my son and my husband and even my daughter playing something or watching videos. But I could go just about all day without my phone or my computer. Not like my phone rings all of the time anyways lol, and not that I want that either. But I’m pretty sure that the rest of my family couldn’t.

August will be two years since my grandmas passing. I have yet to actually deal with losing her. I was there when she took her last breath. I was the one that gave her, her last bit of medicine and I’ve felt like I’ve killed her ever sense. I know that I really didn’t, but if you heard her like I did then you might feel the same way. Listening to her gurgle on her medicine, not being able to swallow and not being able to do anything to help her stop making the noise. It was the hardest death I’ve ever been around. I miss her like crazy and still wish that she was around. Every time that she was in the hospital I would tell her that she couldn’t leave me for ten more years. I still wish that I had ten more years.

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