I need to stop asking why

Mr luka did you know that they used to program me that if i could be a doctor and pass the exam successfully , then i would be able to move to my favorite country ? so i was an robot , maybe an innocent robot or maybe a fool , but whatever it was , i didn’t even ask myself whether I was okay with that situation or not ? I didn’t ask myself if i TRULY wanted to be a doctor … All i knew was i could go to wherever i dreamed of afterwards, but then … Oh
this part of my life is so grief , i abondan all of them , i hadn’t mind peace like i don’t already
May 2017 , my marshmallow isn’t here to soothe me , close to exam date (the same exam that would make me  be a doctor ) I’m yelling at my father not to come in , my mother was mad at him so she walked away… oh my heart Mr Luka , can’t believe I’m still in front of the same door that i was looking at while crying . i don’t want to look  at my past because it’s nonsense . I’m wondering why I’m still in place where i literally hate it , why from that moment till this day , nothing new has happened to make me a little just a little happy ,? why I’m staying?
Oh i May continue writing later in another  post

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