My Best Friend?????

You know what! I’ve had enough! That fine, you be upset with me all you want to, but for something as simple as this! I have seriously done so much for you! And you wanna act like I’ve been ungrateful or something!!! I will repeat myself one last time and tell you it wasn’t my fault you had to leave! For her to sit there and ignore that part of the agreement is bullshit, I’m guessing maybe in hopes that if she ignored that 1 part then in turn y’all would all get to stay too because you guys had nowhere to go!?!? Well no I told her I was serious and wasnt playing, not my fault someone wanted to risk it to find out, you should have just told her “no, you can’t spend the night if that’s her rule cause we were already staying here”, and for anyone to get pissed at me is completely overrated! It’s always “it’s just me and so and so” and it’s never just at least two people. I’m so sketched out the whole time I try and act like it’s ok like I’ve got this but no I don’t i seriously hate this shit! Everyone is using me and my house for the local hang out You and Emily included! If she’s here somehow you are all of a sudden coming over because y’all had been talking and you can now come and visit with the both of us, and then your here and she randomly comes and visits and again I knew nothing, it’s like ok so when can get to Stephanie’s and find out how we can always have whoever else over!? It’s never let’s just chill with Stephanie by ourselves! You’ve been to my house one time by yourself! It’s ok I mean yah try and get to see your friends all in one visit, I get it, well how are you supposed to make any ONE of them feel special to you if they are just always grouped up with other people. It’s never my idea to have more…. I got tattoos to do and that’s about it on the scale of me calling someone over. And my agreement with Cody is because he found out how bad my anxiety attack was the other night cause he’s the one who I flipped my shit on! And so he came up with a solution not to bother me and call constantly and add more stress on me! He visits on Sunday nights and calls at 12pm every night! Even when you came over Saturday you said it’s just me and Matt and somehow 4 other people showed up, and two of those people stayed till time we all fell asleep and then it was still more then just Matt and you! Brandon spent the night too, the next morning there is a random ass person walking through my house that I’d never had in my house before……… then back to more and more people, I invited Ziggy over cause of the tattoo but then out of the blue Emily shows up, I had no idea, and to think these people are here to see me????????? Ummmmm NO they aren’t! Cause obviously no one person stayed in there with me while I was trying to finish up, it’s always can I have this or that or this or that!!! My food, my drinks, my bud, my alcohol, my tattoos, my couches to crash on, my chargers, anything and everything they could ask for. I’m lucky enough I get a seat when coming outside to sit on with how many people are always over. And again not a damn one of them are here to legit visit with me!!! I told you how bad I missed you while you were on vacation cause I did in fact miss the fuck out of you! I miss talking to you! I miss having you around to make me laugh even as aggravating as it is to have everyone else around, you can still make me laugh! I miss making you laugh, and guess what when there are 500 people here it’s hard to get a word in edgewise to even try and make you laugh! When it’s just me and you I don’t have to feel like I’m having to be anything but myself! But with everyone else around I feel like I gotta act like MOM to everyone and tell them their limits so we don’t all get into trouble ((kinda like you told the story of the party you had at your house that one time and you had to take care of everyone, and keep everyone calm but the lights still got busted in your house!)) THAT’S ME EVERY DAY PEOPLE ARE HERE. I have so much stress going on anyways I don’t need anymore kids to take care of, and at this point that’s what it is, I’m not hanging out with friends, I’m babysitting a bunch of kids! But this time it has nothing to do with age! It’s the actions! And to be quite honest I’m going to tell you right now! I was so heartbroken when you messaged saying “maybe another day” after you heard about me and my tattoos I had to give, but then you said you’d still come and I’m telling the honest truth (you can even ask Ziggy) I was so hyped to know you were almost here!!! I couldn’t stop talking about how excited I was to see you again! I already told him I was going to legit jump on your ass and hug you the second you walked through the door! Sad thing is other people pulled up before you and almost ruined everything. I actually talked to Ziggy about what I wanted to tell you the whole time you were on vacation to see if it made scene so I wouldn’t seem dumb for even bringing it up. He agreed it was something me and you should sit down and talk about, but sad thing is again! I was never given the chance!!! I was so butt hurt at the simple fact there was literally NOT A SECOND OF ALONE TIME FOR ME AND YOU TO TALK ABOUT IT!!! (When that’s all I was waiting for) 😥 I’m still upset I haven’t been able to talk to you about it!!! and that probably didn’t help the situation the next day with how I was acting cause again instantly it was me, you, Matt, Brandon, and then low and behold everyone else! So yah I’m upset and still am! I feel so used!!! I feel like I don’t matter! IT’S NOT ME, ANY OF YOU WANT, ITS MY HOUSE, AND ALL THAT COMES WITH IT!!! If you can honestly tell me right now that you truly believe that a single person that was here this past weekend excluding Cody, Brittany, Tiffany or Elisha, or even Ziggy, that any of them came just to see me, and visit with me, and to be with me, then I’ll let it go! But honestly that’s not what I feel!!! Or what I’m shown!

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