People say you need to go out, make new friends, socialise.. those “friends” of yours are quick to be by your side and bad mouth the ones that publicly bully you like your still school kids.. quick to put all and any blame on you during arguments and things going missing etc but you know the honest thing that most people are too blind to see? The ones that are you closest friends are the ones that bad mouth you and purposely leave you out themselfs when they say that’s the one thing they don’t like.. I have this friend and she says she hates when people ain’t included in things,confided in me etc and then thew a party and enivted everyone but me.. it’s like the 3rd thing this week that people I know have thrown but not included me.. reminds me of those bullies in school that say one thing but mean the complete opposite! 

I haven’t written in a few months because I went downhill a little and tried finding myself but then I realised the only thing I needed to do is stop thinking about shit and pay more attention to demi so I hardly was around my phone and I made the move and went away with my daughter and then she has a hectic social life haha so I’ve been running left right and center with her. I’m going to gradually start uploading more stuff. 

So firstly I self harmed again and came off my medication but luckily I had my medication changed which seems to be doing good by me this time around and I’m feeling I don’t need to cut so I’m thankful for that right now! Instead I feel like a zombie kinda numbed out but I’d rather be safe than sorry to be honest. 

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