[331.1] ~*Thu – 08/09/18*~

[10:07 pm]

Letting my mind think is tiring. I keep thinking about that dull spot I made on the bathroom counter top from scrubbing to get a stain from my hair off. I should of known better than to scrub but I still did and now I’m trying to find how to fix it and I can’t which is driving me crazy. I just tried oiling the spot with baby oil but it’s not really working unless I don’t clean the oil. Arg! I mean, it’s no big deal but my mind keeps thinking about it and it’s exhausting me. I’m already in bed cause I’m just tired and my face is still dripping sweat from just trying to fix the darn spot. I still can’t believe I made the spot, I keep telling myself I should of known better than to scrub but it’s too late now and I can’t go back in time.

It’s just so exhausting being me cause I let the silliest little thing drain me. I try not to think about it but it’s in the back of my mind and it’s eating me. I’m planning on reading right now but I already know I’ll be getting up in not too long to go check the damn spot. Why can’t I just leave it alone? Why can’t I be like hub and not give a shit about anything?

I’m just upsetting myself right now and making myself feel sad. I’d want a cuddle from hub but he’s gone to work. I always tend to feel sad on his first night back to work.

I am really fortunate for all I have and I should leave it to that. Why can’t I just accept that and why do I have to be so damn perfectionist when I know nothing can be perfect, especially me. 

I just need to forget about it and focus on something else. Just seem that I always have to focus on one thing so I need to switch my focus elsewhere but on something good as I don’t need anything else happening.

I just basically had three days off and I feel like I didn’t even get a day. The heat is just killing me so I feel so drained. I still don’t want to work tomorrow. I’ve been just wanting to stay in bed and try not to care about anything. I really can’t wait for our vacation in Sep cause that’s the time where I can escape my life for a while. I just really hope it won’t be too warm and that we can actually enjoy ourselves.

Alright, enough negativity for now. Time to read and forget about this silly dull spot I made as it’s nothing important. If I can find a way to fix it, yay for me, if not, what ever. I can totally hear my mom tell me how stupid it is to focus so much on that. I didn’t dare tell her cause she always sorta yells at me for things like this. She’s mostly like hub on things but then again, I think I am the only one like me. Frantic mode about lil things when people out there have nothing to eat or no roof on their head. I just sadly am who I am and just hope I’ll never have to deal with anything major or I won’t survive.


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